March 17th, 2008 by maiaberens
Maybe it’s the stars or planets but everything feels like it’s happening at once.
- Bart is home for the months of March and April. Just when I get fully used to 4 months of getting up between 4:30 and 4:45am, making both breakfast and lunch and being alone every week day while Bart teaches, he’s home for two months. I’m definite not complaining. I love having him here. It’s almost like a vacation or a weekend every day but my mind and body are having a bit of trouble keeping up. And at the end of April it’ll be back to the 4-month schedule and then in Sept. and Oct. he’s off again.
- In the last three weeks I’ve gotten 3 new coaching clients.
- About a month ago I started negotiations on a really wonderful opportunity to use my gifts and talents to help the world and expand our finances at the same time.
- We’re leaving on a vacation in a week.
- My step-daughter has lived with us for 5 months and will suddenly be moving in the next 3 weeks or so.
I just looked at this list and I guess everything is happening at once. I was ready to put it off to the fact that I’m of a certain age that doesn’t like change. No. It’s just a lot. So I’m doing what I can do about the confusion and overwhelm by sharing. I’m sharing it here. I will be sharing it in my support group on Thursday and I share it with my wonderful partner who is always there to hear me.
www.ThePumpkinCoach.com
Posted in #11 follow your own path |
February 19th, 2008 by maiaberens
My definition of connection is the live, juicy, energetic bond that exists between people in a relationship. It’s such an easy thing to lose - particularly when you have a great friendship going with your spouse. Friendship feels good and supportive but this kind of passionate connection is something else. It feels lively, spark-y and faintly (or actively) sexual.We’ve all seen “comfortable” relationships where the spark is gone. Neither my husband nor I want that. We want a PASSIONATE relationship. Sometimes that may look like the fire of a disagreement or the almost psychic connection of years (and lifetimes) of knowing each other. Sometimes it’s just in looking over and seeing who he really is - an energetic hit of all the amazing ways he has shown himself to me and shown up in my life and the life of my family and the powerful positive effects he’s had on us all in his own unique, sardonic, quiet way.
We’ve had 23 years in this life together so far. It takes a certain kind of vigilance to not let “comfortable” take its place. I’m on guard.
Posted in #6 maintain connection |
February 18th, 2008 by maiaberens
I am a kind and loving woman. I care about many people and show them and tell them that - including my husband. This morning he is here even though it’s Monday morning and I usually have quiet to work. My office is right out in the middle of the house and a lot of what I do is write - just like I am writing right now.
He went out to get the car smogged and came in while I was writing. I greeted him and thanked him for taking care of the car. I listened for a few minutes while he talked about what was happening in the apartment across the way - and he kept talking to his daughter about stuff that is not important that she know or I listen to at this time. Maybe he wants to spend a little more time before he settles into his working on work-related stuff. However, I need quiet when I write. I requested that he stop and he got a little bent out of shape. Although, of course, he stopped talking.
I kept writing for a minute or two and then asked if we could talk a minute. I explained my situation more fully. I did this because I have a nagging need inside for peace. I don’t like it when there are ruffled feelings. Do I go overboard on this - on easing them? I’m not sure. I’m noticing that as I continue to write here, my mind keeps going to the bedroom where he is. I see myself wanting to go make nice or talk or check to make sure he’s ok with me. This is all my childhood stuff.
What I know after 23 years with this man is that he is fine; he would let me know if he needed more from me; that this no big deal; and that I will likely just follow my desire to check in with him when I’m done writing this.
www.The-Pumpkin-Coach.com
Posted in #1 who's most important?, #12 have a memory for the good, #3 tell the emotional truth quickly but remember timing, #4 communicate appropriately, #8 the small stuff vs the big stuff, Keep your relationship working happily ever after |
February 14th, 2008 by maiaberens
Most years I don’t really care very much about V-Day. I get so much love and attention on a frequent basis, that I don’t need a special day for that. Don’t get me wrong. I like to be remembered as much as the next woman but I’ve felt so filled up, that it was no big deal.Well, this year I was immediately cranky to my husband today because he forgot. He even asked a couple of times over the last couple of weeks when the big day was - and nothing. But here’s the important part, knowing that I have the freedom to be honest and the requirement to be honest if I want to resentment to pile up, I told him immediately. He was suitably sorry and I felt fine immediately. I take this as a testament to the years of emotional honesty we have built up. There were no other resentments that wanted to tag along on this little disappointment.
So Happy Valentine’s Day and I’m fairly certain I will get a card or something before the day is over but I forgive him either way.
Posted in #3 tell the emotional truth quickly but remember timing, #4 communicate appropriately, #8 the small stuff vs the big stuff, Relationship tip |
February 13th, 2008 by maiaberens
When I notice that our connection is almost habitual and the juice is pretty low, I realize that Bart and I need some real time away just with each other. We have a third person living in our house for the last 3 1/2 months and so our 10 or 15 minutes in the morning and a possible few hours on a weekend is just not enough time just with each other.Bart will be off for two months starting the first week of March and alone time here we come!
Posted in #9 sacred time |